Archive for the ‘MY WRITING’ Category

HOOFING IT THROUGH THE DENVER AIRPORT

March 27, 2014

I was really pissed when I opened my e-mail in Portland, a month ago, as my wife and I were getting ready to fly back to Tucson, after a trip to Eugene. “Your flight to Kearney has been cancelled.” The online travel agency didn’t offer a suggestion, only a telephone number to call. This was not what I needed to hear in the morning. The good news was that I could get to Kearney that same day from Denver, in order to volunteer to help out with the Sandhill Crane migration at Rowe Sanctuary. The bad news was that I would land at about 4:45 p.m., 20 miles from Rowe, with the evening tours beginning at 6.

My stay this year was already shorter, because we were in the middle of a move, and I was lucky I could even go. But, I was about to lose an evening in the viewing blinds, which is my selfish reason to go. I guide people to the viewing blinds at Rowe Sanctuary, because the cranes may only be seen close up if people are hidden. Nebraska is the only state where they are not hunted. If I am not a guide, I will “tag along,” to be in the blind, if a space at a window opens up. One always does. I admit it, I am selfish. But I clean toilets, do odd jobs, make morning coffee, act as a roving naturalist, and sleep on the floor in the gift shop. In past years, I taught a beginning course on Cranes for interested tourists. I have taken people out to the photography blinds and brought them back, cleaning up the “chamber pots” they use during their all night stay along the river. That may sound gross, but I enjoy driving out and back, and almost everybody who goes there loves it. I’m not religious, but when I hear somebody say, “I feel closest to God when I am by the river with fifty thousand cranes,” I understand the spirituality. Yeah, I wanted to get to Rowe early in the day, and it wasn’t going to happen.

I found the flight had been cancelled, but I went on line two days before I left, discovering it hadn’t been cancelled, so I tried to get on it. No such luck. I would be leaving in the afternoon, getting there in early evening. The day I left, I arrived in Denver, at 1030, knowing the Kearney flight departed from a different concourse at 1035. But, as I walked from the far end of B concourse, I glanced at the first monitor, looking for the Kearney flight. “Whadda know,” I said to myself, glancing at the yellow “delayed” on the screen, “let’s give this a try.” I didn’t really think I had a prayer of making the plane, but I doubled my pace, weaving through the crowds like an expert slalom skier. “It never hurts to try,” is one of my mottos; another is “All they can do is say no.”

I was seriously hoofing it, so much so that I got on the moving walkway, in order to add another mph to my speed. When a walkway wasn’t working, I took it, because nobody else was on it, and I had a long empty straightaway. I caught the airport train perfectly, got to the A concourse, and blasted up the stairs so fast that the guy in front of me doing two at a time was in my way. I blew by him, not even running, and turned on the gas at the A concourse. I went downstairs to where the small plane check in counter was, asking if the plane were still there. It was, planned departure at 1100.

It was 1055.

I had gone from the plane, through 2 long concourses, a connection, a train ride, and some stairs in 25 minutes. This is hoofing. I jog-walked the last 300 yards to the gate, asking, a bit breathless when I got there if I could get on, assured I could. I then asked if I had time to go to the restroom, although that was really pushing my luck, but again, all they could do was say no. I had enough time to make the calls I needed to arrange a pick up in Kearney and send an SMS to my wife.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I had an 8 a.m. flight to Dallas one time, and as I started walking to the gate, I noted a monitor that said the 8 a.m. flight was delayed. I saw there was a 7 a.m. flight not cancelled, and it was 6:45. I literally walked to that gate, getting on board the 7 a.m. flight, with more time for my connection in Dallas, which was tight to begin with. Lucky? Yes. Very. But I made my luck, too. I thought fast, looked at options, and asked unabashedly.

Much success in life is luck: a photographer who has a person bankroll a book he writes, becoming famous as a result. An amateur astronomer who happens to discover a comet, because he happens to be looking in the sky for one, was out on the right day, in the right weather, and looked in the right place. Some have become famous as a result of their luck. But they made their luck, too. They didn’t bemoan their failures or their work. They put themselves in the situation where the probability numerator might increase with the denominator. When both increase the same, the overall probability increases. It is a mathematical fact.

I could have just as easily sat in the airport and waited the 4 hours for my flight. Instead, I looked at the monitor, knowing these small planes are often delayed because of weather or not having enough pilots or flight attendants. I had nothing to lose by looking, except the few calories by hoofing. I made my luck. Life doesn’t often work out the way we want, but sometimes there are opportunities that arise, taylor made for those who aren’t quite ready to call it quits and are willing to go for the long shot. To most people, getting on that earlier flight wouldn’t have made a bit of difference. To me, it did.

Later, I learned the flight I would have taken was delayed 4 hours.

 

Cranes over the setting sun.

Cranes over the setting sun.

 

Evening cranes

Evening cranes

Morning crane "blowoff" from the Platte River.

Morning crane “blowoff” from the Platte River.

Fog cranes.

Fog cranes.

SNEAKER WAVE

March 19, 2014

Occasionally, I do something really dumb and wonder how I could have been so clueless.  Sadly, doing stupid things has not disappeared with age. I don’t usually state my major blunders in public, but my latest mistake is one from which some might learn.  Three years ago, two young men from Eugene were not so fortunate and drowned.  I wasn’t in danger, but I did something foolish, ruining my camera in the process.

I am new to the West Coast.  I am exploring Oregon by hiking; while I have extensive experience in the woods of northern Minnesota and the high country of Arizona, Oregon is different.  I have hiked in Washington State before, and I know about slippery rocks, need to carry rain gear, and taking the usual essentials before setting off alone.  Indeed, when I drove west to Sweet Creek Falls Trail, near Mapleton, I left a note on the kitchen counter, where I was going, what I expected to do, and the fact that the barometric pressure was steady when I left.  Rain was forecast for later the day.  I always leave notes when I hike alone. It makes searching for my remains easier.

The hike was pretty, not difficult, along a lovely river, with only a few areas where I needed to be careful.  However, I never forgot that a classmate in medical school died in 1973 when he fell on a rock in a stream and hit his head.  Bad things may happen, and may happen suddenly.  A slight misstep can become life-threatening or very inconvenient.  I got a lesson in the latter this day.

Sweet Creek Falls trail

Sweet Creek Falls trail

Sweet Creek Falls

Sweet Creek Falls

When I finished the hike, I decided to drive to the coast.  It was only 20 miles, and I thought it worth visiting the coast of my new home state.  When I arrived at the long stretch of  dunes, south of Florence, I found a deserted parking lot and texted my wife where I was.  I had deviated from my planned route, and any time I do such, I MUST communicate.  In the canoe country, I cannot, so if I am alone, I NEVER deviate from my route.  This is smart; what I did later wasn’t.

I went over the dunes, walking down to the nearly flat beach.  The waves were high, but there was a lot of wet beach that waves did not come up to often.  But wet beach=water, and I did not appreciate that obvious sign.  Suddenly, one wave appeared quickly.  I started to walk, but the wave overtook me, water reaching mid-calf and into my boots.  I laughed, thought it fun, as the shore was relatively flat, and wet feet weren’t going to ruin my day.  The ocean had warned me.  Nature warns, but we have to listen.  I did not.

Ten minutes later, I sat on a log down the beach, wringing out my socks, when another wave quickly appeared, but less powerful.  I raised my legs, the water went on both sides of the log, and I stayed dry.  I had been warned again.  The ocean was saying, “these are sneaker waves.”

Footprints in the sand.

Footprints in the sand.

View at top of dunes, 50 ft (15 m) above ocean.

View at top of dunes, 50 ft (15 m) above ocean.

IMG_4166

View of the ocean from the dunes. The small log where I sat is left of center, on the beach.

I continued further south along the beach, climbing into the dunes, taking pictures of the ocean, the dark clouds that would herald rain later, and returned to where I came into the beach.  I constantly monitor the sky, I am less good about monitoring the ocean. I saw a large log, 18 inches in diameter and several feet long, with perhaps a foot wide flat surface on top.  I stood on the log, timed the swells, curious as how often a big wave would come in.  Nearly all waves crested about 50 yards away.

IMG_4174

Soon to be a sneaker wave. No way to tell, except no water was flowing back into the ocean at the time.  Last picture taken from my camera.

The log where I stood

The log where I stood,  Notice how far up the water was capable of going.

Suddenly, one large one came in.  I felt safe on the log, above the water, but I had forgotten something I really should know–the power of moving water.  Two feet can float a car.  The water wasn’t that deep, but it was moving at 5 mph.  I could outrun it easily, but I could not walk faster than it.  Nine inches of water, 5 mph, and a 8 foot log is struck by 45 cubic feet of water a second–nearly a ton and a half.  This is equivalent to 3 defensive line football players running and hitting the log.

The force knocked me into the shallow, flowing stream.  I saw my camera under water; I took my phone out of my upward facing pocket, stunned, as I always am, when “this can’t be happening to me”  happens to me.  I got up, upset at myself, deeply embarrassed, muttered, “you really should know better,” and returned to the car.  I was soaked.

I started the car, turned on the heat, began drying my phone.  The phone worked later, as did the SD card in the camera; the camera itself did not.  I was alive; other than a lot of sand and wet clothes, I would eventually clean myself, the car, the garage, and those few places in the house I had tracked sand.

Thirty-seven months earlier, two young men from Eugene were standing on rocks out in the ocean near Yachats when a sneaker wave threw both into the cold ocean.  The rocks were too slippery to climb out; they died from hypothermia.

Sneaker wave.

There are some things we have to learn for ourselves, despite what people tell us.  Nature speaks, but we have to listen carefully to her language.  In 1991, I was ejected from a canoe when solo, I misjudged the force of current in Basswood River.  I didn’t, however, shoot the rapids a mile upstream, where 22 years later, an elderly man and his wife would.  She lived; he didn’t.  They had shot the rapids before, not ever recommended, and the water was unusually high, requiring they use a different route.  They were suddenly in extremely fast cold water with no canoe.  I was in warm, slow water next to my canoe.  I think all of us probably said, “This can’t be happening to me.” 

We all make mistakes, be it going up on a ladder when we shouldn’t, being outside when there is lightning, shooting rapids, or getting too close to the ocean.  What we must keep in mind are potential dangers and how rapidly things can go south.  Sneaker waves?  I know what they are…now.  I got away lucky.  I won’t get caught again.  Ever.

I wonder what the next stupid thing I will do will be.   Or whether I will be lucky.

KEY WORDS SPANNING THE AGE DIVIDE

March 17, 2014

 

When I was a first year medical student, I worked for a neuroanatomy professor 31 years my senior, who became a good friend.  He was still the professor, however.  When I once became upset, he became stern and calmed me down.  When I called a co-worker  “Little man,” (a college nickname), the professor, with the same last name as I, took me aside, told me my comment was demeaning and never to use it again.  I haven’t.

I offered suggestions in his research but never corrected him otherwise. Dr. Stuart Smith greatly influenced me, never knowing he was a big reason I became a neurologist. In 1981, I sent him a card announcing the opening of my practice.  His widow wrote me he had died two weeks earlier, at 63, from a ruptured aortic aneurysm. I wished I had written sooner. I can still hear his booming laugh.

I am now older than he lived to be and have had different experiences with those in their 20s.  One posted an article on Facebook about a scientist who had found a possible breakthrough that “might” help Alzheimer’s patients.  The individual wrote that the man deserved the Nobel Prize, hoping a grandmother, afflicted with the disease, would be helped.

I posted that the key word was “might,” and there was a long way from the lab to clinical practice.  I was measured in my response, not commenting, as I could have, that my grandmother also had Alzheimer’s, my mother died of a rapidly progressive dementia, and that doctors like the limelight, too, so any possible breakthrough is often taken directly to the press, rather than waiting to see whether it will work.  I didn’t add that I had evaluated thousands of Alzheimer’s patients and had seen many possible “cures” appear and disappear.  In short, I tried to inject a dose of needed reality into hope. Taking away hope is bad; giving false hope is worse.

The young person quickly retorted, “No, MIKE (caps added), the key word is hope.”

I am fairly informal about being called by my first name, but the Internet has allowed the young to call elders by their first name and slam them, because it is easier to write something nasty than to say it directly to somebody 40 years your senior.  On the bus, I am often called “Sir”; that is rare online.  I chose to remain silent, showing both restraint and wisdom.  I found the comment disrespectful and am not particularly eager to communicate again with the individual, whom I suspect would not notice.  I was once that age; the person has not been mine.

I never would have dreamt to correct Dr. Stuart Smith by using his first name and thinking I knew more than he did. He would have slammed me verbally, and he was one of the best English grammarians I ever met. Times have changed.

Many scientists want to report they have discovered a possibility that may lead to a possibility that possibly some day might possibly help somebody.  The use of the same base word here is deliberate, for new, safe, effective drug production is a long process.  There are few “miracle drugs” in medicine.  In my training, I learned an adage: “to write anything positive about treatment of multiple sclerosis is a good way to ruin your career.”  Forty years later, the adage is not far off the mark.  I have no doubt we will eventually prevent, stop, or cure MS, but that day is not yet visible to me.

The young person might feel I was too sensitive to take the comment as an insult. As both as a neurologist and as an older person who has seen and experienced far more, I was insulted.  Hope mattered a lot to the person, which I understand; realistic hope, however, based upon a great deal of experience, matters more to me.  Others in their 20s have said worse to me, but they were from other cultures, not familiar with mine, so I gave them more leeway when they said or did things I found appalling.

I can count on the fingers of both hands the numbers of patients in my practice I called by their first name.  I was formal.  I used “Mr.”, “Mrs.”, “Ms.” or “Dr.”    Thirty-five years after I met him, I still call the retired chairman of neurology where I trained, “Doctor.”  I always will. My parents resented being called by their first name.  I was furious when my dying father had a chest X-Ray performed by a technician, referring to Dad as “buddy.”  My father began his career as a science teacher and became superintendent of schools in three cities.  He wrote two science textbooks and could fix cars.  At 90, he was interested enough to see the Sandhill Crane migration; the following year, he explained to two young women why a lunar eclipse occurred and traveled alone to his 70th college reunion.

I think a key difference today is that the young have equal access to information that I have.  They don’t, however, have the same life experiences as I; many do not have critical thinking skills necessary to carefully analyze “breakthroughs.”  In my youth, every cashier could correctly make change, not now.  We learned grammar and how to hold a pen and write, uncommon today.  We called adults “Mr.” or “Mrs.”, less now.

Perhaps I should have apologized for being too old, sensitive and experienced to write what I considered a careful response.  I certainly know how to apologize, but felt then what I did was appropriate.  If not, I’ve had a lot of practice apologizing.  That comes from age, too.

Also from my parents, my wife, and Dr. Stuart Smith.

 

BEFORE THIS GAME, WILL THE VETERANS PLEASE STAND, THEN EVERYBODY, THEN SILENCE, THEN SING

March 13, 2014

A recent Facebook post from a Republican-leaning group showed the picture below:

Screen Shot 2014-03-06 at 8.13.35 PM

Here is what I suggest be done, and it requires only about 4 minutes:

  1. “Ladies and gentlemen, will all veterans present, and only those veterans, please stand for one minute.  All others remain seated.” 
  2. One minute later: “Now, will everybody stand for 1 minute of silence honoring those who died for America, both at home and abroad.”
  3. A minute later: “Now, let us all sing our national anthem.”

I served this country in uniform abroad, deployed on a ship as the sole physician for an 8 month and a 3 month deployment.  I serve America as an individual every time I volunteer, help somebody, follow the laws, and try to be a good citizen.  I know the words of the National Anthem.  When played, I face the flag, come to attention, remove my hat, stay silent, and sing quietly.  When it is finished, I sit down. 

When asked to pledge allegiance to the flag, I face the flag, put my hand over my heart, and say the words with meaning, especially “to the REPUBLIC for which it stands, ONE nation,” then the next two words, added in 1954, (they weren’t Francis Bellamy’s original ones), with especial emphasis on “INDIVISIBLE, with LIBERTY and JUSTICE FOR ALL.”

Rote pledging and rote singing lessens value:  I’ve seen shabby treatment of the Pledge by both students and teachers in schools.  Every time I hear the national anthem, I am distracted by someone on a cell phone, people walking by me to find their seat, the guy in front of me with his hat on, or my neighbors chatting.  I don’t know if they are Republicans or Democrats.  They are likely both…and rude.

Before the national anthem, I find the nearest flag. Then, when the music starts, I look at the top star on the left, Delaware, the first state, where I grew up.  I look at the thirteen stripes, remembering 13 colonies winning independence against heavy odds, we fought the bloodiest war in our history to keep the Union intact from those who fought to divide us, what has happened so often in Europe. The Union is our strength, even the parts I don’t like, parts that are now patriotic, but fought us 150 years ago under another flag.

I look at the red stripes, meaning courage.  I remember the Americans who died at Bunker Hill, Belleau Wood, Corregidor,  Midway, Guadalcanal, Chosin Reservoir, in the skies over Europe, Okinawa, Da Nang, Hue, Fallujah, or Kabul; every one of these places should be known by every American, regardless of how necessary the conflict was. “I have not yet begun to fight;” “Retreat?  Hell no, we just got here;” and “Nuts” should be taught in the schools. I bet kids would enjoy learning where they came from.

The white stands for honor and purity: the Marshall Plan, counting our dead. The Flag and Pledge deserve respect, regardless of one’s feelings.  So does the office an elected official holds.  One may dislike the holder, but the office deserves respect. I disliked the senators in the state where I once lived, but I dressed appropriately and was polite if I went to their offices to complain.   Disagreeing with the Pledge, Flag, or Anthem is a right; that is what America is about.  So is respect and honor.

The blue stands for justice, the most difficult of the three, which is why I emphasize the word when I recite the Pledge.  If I don’t like a law, I work to change it, not willfully violate it.  We are a REPUBLIC, not a free-for-all, pick and choose society.

  • The flag should be lighted at all times, either by sunlight or by an appropriate light source.  
  • The flag should be flown in fair weather, unless designed for inclement weather use.       
  • The flag should not be used as part of a costume or athletic uniform, except that a flag patch may be used on the uniform of military personnel, firemen, or policemen.  Sports teams may have individuals of their sponsors contribute to any number of veterans organizations or the USO (my words). 
  • When the flag is lowered, no part of it should touch the ground or any other object.  To store the flag it should be folded neatly and ceremoniously. [Try to do that properly sometime.  It is difficult.] 
  • When a flag is so worn it is no longer fit to serve as a symbol of our country, it should be destroyed by burning in a dignified manner.

In 2005, I was one of 300 correcting AP Statistics Papers in Lincoln.  At one meeting, all the veterans in the audience were asked to stand.  I was pleasantly honored, but there weren’t many of us.  Maybe this is how we get children to serve.  Some day, maybe they want to stand up and out from the crowd.  Before the minute of silence, I suggest the organizers dedicate the time to honor those Americans, here or abroad, who fought with weapons or words.  The choice should be respectful, meaningful, and educational, not jingoistic.

“Tonight, a minute of silence preceding the singing of the national anthem will be to remember the courageous Marines who served and died at Belleau Wood, Chosin Reservoir and Guadalcanal.”  Every American ought to know these places.  Yes, every.

“Tonight’s minute of silence is dedicated to those who kept West Berlin free during the Berlin Airlift, their honor and courage a proud moment in our history.”

“Tonight’s moment of silence is dedicated to those who died in the continuing struggle for Civll Rights in this country, seeking justice under the law.”  Some in the South might object; the African-American players they idolize would not.

“Tonight’s moment of silence is dedicated to those who stood up for science against tremendous pressure and saved American lives, like Dr. Frances Kelsey (banned thalidomide) or Dr. Richard Feynmann (Challenger disaster).”

Then, we can sing the national anthem with meaning, proud of who we are as a people.

I don’t care what we pick, so long as it is American.  Controversial?  Use judgment. Perhaps a young boy will Google “Guadalcanal” and learn about Henderson Field, the Sullivan Brothers, “The Slot,” and Ironbottom Sound.  Or remember another Philadelphia, in a southern state, that I’ve never forgotten.

Perhaps some man will be at a business meeting the next day and hear, “We can’t do that in fewer than two weeks.”

He might reply, “They said that about the USS Yorktown, but fixed her in 48 hours.  She was sunk at Midway, but her planes helped sink all 4 Japanese carriers, and stopped Japanese expansion in the Pacific.”

Click yes if you think that teaching Americans at sporting events what this country stands for is a good idea.  Might even be a step towards getting people to serve her and bring us together again.

RESERVATION DOCTOR ON THE LITTLE BIGHORN

March 12, 2014

Crow Fair, 1973.  My wife and I are medical students working on the Crow Indian Reservation in southeastern Montana.  We live in a small house on the reservation, near the small hospital, on the banks of the Little Bighorn River, yes, THAT Little Bighorn River, 5 miles from where Custer met his end in 1876.

This was our second summer there, so people knew us in Crow Agency.  We saw patients from Lame Deer, on the Northern Cheyenne Reservation; Lodge Grass, Wyola and Pryor. We worked at the hospital, delivering babies, helping with surgery, suturing wounds, treating emergencies, and learning to do what few medical students learn:  how to give shots.

One day, I heard a man had collapsed in the dry riverbed of the Little Big Horn, downstream from our small, orange house.  I was told to go to see what happened.  I can still remember walking down the mud bank, alone, to the body of an elderly Crow man lying supine, seeing sand on his corneas.  It was the first time I had pronounced a man dead.  There would be thousands more in my career, but they would all be in technology-laden hospitals, with people around me, not alone with a man, probably  born about 20 years after Custer’s demise.

I still remember the names of the two women on whom I first scrubbed in surgery, the  the man upon whom I passed my first nasogastric tube.  I remember the first time I was called “Doc,” by a man, whose foley catheter I changed, not really having any idea what I was doing by injecting air into the balloon.  Nobody was present; I was expected to do it. I did fine, got thanked, took a deep breath, and returned to the nurse’s station.

Our equipment was rudimentary: We had an X-Ray machine and small lab.  This was before CT.  Major emergencies were sent to Billings, 70 miles away, now on Interstate 90, but earlier on US 212, now called the Hardin Road, or old US 87 (it  was US 212 in 1970, when I first drove it), a two lane paved road rutted from use.  I hit a deer on it one night, doing about 65, smashing the windshield.  We were lucky it didn’t come into the car.  Sadly, it was not dead, and we had to kill it.  The next day, the Crows told me to drive around with the windshield smashed, like all the other cars there.  We got it repaired, instead.

Crow Fair was an annual celebration in August, a major gathering of tribes from all over the western United States.  There was a lot of work that week in the hospital.  We were among the few whites there, but we were members of the community, and while many Crows remained aloof, I never remember feeling unwelcome.  The only thing we weren’t allowed to do was learn the language.  Many said they would teach us, but they never did, and when we used words that we knew both the meaning and the pronunciation,  they acted like they didn’t understand.  Later, that happened to me in France, and my French was a lot better than my Crow.  The white man had taken nearly everything they had; they weren’t going to give him their language, too.  We named one of our first cats “Saba,” which was Crow for “What?” if the word is dragged out.  The other cat was “Busby,” a town on the Northern Cheyenne Reservation.

During the Fair, I was in the emergency room when a man walked in, with a 15 cm gash in his forehead, after being gored by a bull.  “Hurry up, doc,” he said, “I’ve still got time for the second round.”  I can’t say I did the best suturing job in the world, but after two summers there, I was good at it.  He returned to the rodeo.  These people were tough.  Yet, times were rough.  In 1971, there was a diphtheria epidemic on the reservation.  Yes, diphtheria.

I don’t remember who got the idea to dress me up and have me ride in Crow Fair.  Those two summers were the only time in my life I ever rode a horse.  We first rode near Billings, at a ranch where part of “Little Big Man” was later filmed.  A real doctor there and his wife had horses, so we rode at Crow Agency as well.  My wife now has 5  and rides; then, we were newlyweds, and I learned to ride, although I would not continue.

The morning of the parade, I was given an honor that I have never forgotten:  I was the only white man riding.  The only white man.  I rode a horse named “Mare,” who was one.  She was perfect for me; nothing fazed her.  I wore a white coat with “Reservation Doctor” written on the back, along with a tepee with a few symbols, drawn by a member of the tribe.  My black bag was on the saddle’s horn; for 15 minutes, I was part of the parade that rode around the rodeo grounds.  Many laughed, but with me, not at me.  I was totally welcome.

I still have the white coat and the black bag.  Many times, cleaning out the garage, I wondered whether it was time to throw the white coat away.  I haven’t worn it in 41 years, but after the picture posted here, I put it on again, just to do it.  I will never part with it.  The jacket has no intrinsic value; after I die, will it be thrown away.  Only my wife knows the story behind it, “Mare,” and saw me ride with the the white coat.  Today, we would be probably post a video on YouTube or Facebook.  Then…and now, what we have are memories.  The memories may be wrong.  I wouldn’t trade those imperfect memories for a clear video on YouTube, a powerful statement that those too young to remember a time without YouTube might consider.

The white coat signified the summer I was a “reservation doctor.”  I rode in the Crow Fair parade, near the Little Bighorn, the only white man riding among Indians, and survived, honored, a far better outcome than Custer and his men, 97 years and 2 months earlier.  

It has remained one of the most special moments in my life.

Reservation doctor.  I felt in the pocket, and I found an old cup of "silly putty."That dates the jacket as clear as Iridium dates a meteor strike.

Reservation doctor. I felt in the pocket, and I found an old cup of “silly putty.”That dates the jacket as clear as Iridium dates a meteor strike.

GAMMA DELTA IOTA

March 9, 2014

Fall 1967, and fraternity rush is on for Dartmouth sophomores.  As I walked quickly to the first fraternity I wanted to visit, I was excited.  I was going to be a frat man!!  My plan was to visit several houses I felt would be good fits (not party houses, football player houses, or far from campus).  I visited 7 houses that night, trying to talk to members and to get my name known, although this wasn’t and isn’t a skill of mine.  I looked forward to being invited back the next night for a second visit, and ultimately “sinking,” later in the week, becoming a pledge.  This was a big deal to me, and I think that I wanted to have bragging rights with my friends.  

The next afternoon, I stayed in my dorm room as required; after an hour, I heard a knock. I opened the door, and two men came in from Psi U.  “We enjoyed having you last night, and thank you for considering us, but we don’t think you would fit in.  But any time you want, stop in on a weekend and have a beer.”  They shook my hand.

I thanked them, and as they left, I didn’t feel too badly.  Psi U wasn’t my first choice.  I waited for the next knock.

It never came.

I often wondered that year whether I was the guy referred to at Phi Tau about whom, when discussed at the member meeting, nobody said anything.  Then upstairs, a toilet flushed, everybody laughed, and moved on to the next guy.

I became a GDI.  A Goddam Independent.  I was crushed.  I had been turned down for dates by girls before, but this was real rejection with a capital “R”.  I was a decent guy, a good student, and felt I would have been an asset to a fraternity.  So I thought.  I thought wrong.  My parents sent me a Peanuts cartoon, showing a character saying, after being rejected, “It’s their loss, not mine.”

I got turned down at a second fall rush, too, one more chance, and I never tried again. Being rejected became one of the best things that happened to me. I visited two fraternity houses on a weekend the remainder of my three years at Dartmouth.  I wasn’t upset with them; I had moved in other directions.  I have no ill feelings.  I do think drunken and sexual misconduct that occurs in some is a problem.  I question their relevance today, but I’m not in college, and I simply don’t know.

I had a successful, good career at Dartmouth.  I got a few citations for excellent course work, graduated summa cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa as a junior, and had highest distinction in Chemistry, publishing my first article ever in the Journal of Organic Chemistry.  I took three graduate level courses in the subject.  My senior year, I met the woman who would become my wife. That winter, I skied 3 afternoons a week for free, because I was doing a lot of independent work and could schedule my time.  I took 18 lab courses at a school where many took none in the 36 courses they had.  Dartmouth counted courses, not credit hours.  Dartmouth taught me to write and how to research a paper, which in my medical training was incredibly valuable.  More importantly, Dartmouth taught me how to think.

I give to the alumni fund every year but am not a die-hard alumnus who follows sporting events.  I’m proud I went there, I think it is the best school in the country, and I came back in 1995 for my 25th reunion, enjoying the stay, but not needing to return.

Forty years after graduation, looking at Eugene as a place to live, I remembered my chemistry advisor got his Ph.D. there, so I e-mailed him, which I had never done before.  He immediately wrote me back, still believing I had the potential to get a Ph.D. in organic chemistry.  That’s Dartmouth.  My advisor had helped me with my senior thesis; when I defended it, one of the attendees said the questions I was asked were more difficult than several Ph.D. defenses he had seen.  I almost decided to get a Ph.D. in organic in Eugene, but there is too much else I want to do.

I don’t plan on going back to Dartmouth again; I might, but it isn’t important.  Many things important when you are young are no longer so important as you get older.  Dartmouth is for the new generation, not me.  I hope all get as much out of the College as I did.  For those who get turned down at all fraternities, I’m here to say it really doesn’t matter.  It won’t matter that year, the rest of your college career, or for the rest of your life, if you choose to move on.

Perhaps it was their loss, not mine.

 

THE ANNUAL CONJUNCTION OF SPRING, A SPECIAL RIVER, AND A SPECIAL BIRD

March 7, 2014

It’s late in the evening in March on the Platte River, bone-chilling cold in the viewing blind, where I stand alone.  I am in the center of what many call “fly over” country, about to witness one of the greatest scenes in nature.  It is one of my top four, but don’t take my word for it: Jane Goodall lists it in her top ten.

I hear the whining noise that sounds like a jet engine, but this sound is a lot closer.  It is the sound of thousands–no, tens of thousands–of Lesser Sandhill Cranes, coming into the river for the night.  Fly over country, indeed.  I am in fly over country; the birds are flying over the blind, in circles around the blind, at the blind, at me.  I am freezing cold, shivering with thrill, holding the video camera, exclaiming words I don’t usually say:

“I have never seen anything like this in my life.  The sky is black with birds.”

It is not often I post before I have completed what I want to say, but crane season is now, and I want to get some pictures up and some videos as well.

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Platte evening

Platte evening

I’ve been in the viewing blinds 90 times, alone, with other clients, which I once was, and with clients whom I now guide to the blinds.  I have been in the blinds in 80 and 15 degree weather, thunderstorms and snow, gorgeous sunsets and with a biting wind that only Nebraska can dish out in March.  There is not one single time I have failed to learn something, about the birds, people, or myself in the blinds.

I am proud to be a Rowe Sanctuary volunteer.

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Rowe was established forty years ago, now having a lovely visitor’s center, made of recycled wood from Nebraska schools, insulated with straw, and microphones to pipe in the sound of the cranes at night, which few hear, except in scattered farm houses along the river.  There are other buildings to house volunteers, with all sorts of tools and vehicles.  They now have a Crane Cam, too, which once I help put up, far upstream, so that when one “runs” the camera at night, the individual is showing the entire world the sight.

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A big reason why I volunteer. It is for the children, so they will learn to love nature and the beauty of the world. Tower Blind.

Far more briefly than what I tell people, the cranes winter in the southern states and migrate to Arctic Canada, Alaska, and Siberia.  I have seen them in Bettles, north of the Arctic Circle. They do their final staging for their migration in the southern bend of the Platte.  They cannot perch in trees, so they live on the ground, in the air, or in shallow water, which keeps them safe from predators at night.  During the day, they feed on waste corn primarily in the fields near the river.  They go to the river at night for safety.  They gain 15% of their body weight in this period of time, the Platte’s becoming the largest single bar in the world for Sandhill Cranes.

Crane Moon

Crane Moon, 2010

From my bed, on the floor in the visitor’s center at night, I hear the cranes before I drop off into a brief sleep, for I will be awake at 4:30, getting Rowe ready for the 6 a.m. blind tours.  I may go as a guide, I may go to help a guide, but I will go.  The morning is different, because one arrives in darkness, hearing only cranes, or sometimes nothing, complete quiet, itself a rarity in this country today.  As the river wakes up, the cranes start to move.  Some “dance,” better than the stage, one lady told me, and they do it for courtship, pair bonding, and likely for fun.  Occasionally, all the birds leave at once, and one can see 25,000 in the air simultaneously.

Platte sunset.  So many nights I never thought I would see a good sunset.  So many nights I was wrong.

Platte sunset. So many nights I never thought I would see a good sunset. So many nights I was wrong.

The evenings are when the birds return.  They may stage in fields and wait until after dark.  One evening, I told a group we would leave a few minutes late.  “They are nearby in the field over there,” I said.  Two minutes later, several thousand erupted before us.  It made the tour.

large group on river

large group on river

The colors at sunset are remarkable

The colors at sunset are remarkable

Birds and setting sun.

Birds and setting sun.

nother evening, I counted approximately 10,000 in 30 minutes. coming from one direction.  I’ve seen two flocks of 10,000 meet overhead.  I cannot describe the sight or the sound.   They come across the Sun, too.

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When I became a neurologist, I learned that birds have “basal ganglia” brains, their behavior programmed, just like our walking, so we don’t think about it.  Last year, however, I learned the avian brain is configured differently.  The same neurotransmitters are present, and that was a tipoff maybe I could deal with my cognitive conflict: how can a bird with automatic behavior may appear to have fun.

The answer lay in the fact that birds can learn.  This has been seen and documented by a couple in Fairbanks, Alaska, who see the same pair of cranes return each year.  They see the cranes teach their young to fly.  A young crane who died was visited by the parents and sibling, who pulled grass over the body.  I don’t know what that means, and I am not even going to speculate, but I don’t think this is basal ganglia behavior.

Pair close by.  The red patch is featherless.  It becomes larger, should the bird be angry or aroused in any way.

Pair close by. The red patch is featherless. It becomes larger, should the bird be angry or aroused in any way.

I think my learning neurology forty years ago assumed things were later questioned.  Others may disagree with me, but they are disagreeing with a human neurologist who has seen pictures of how the avian brain is constructed, and has left, shaking his head, saying, “That is why they look like they are having fun.  They are.”

I have also learned how much fun I have, when I am at Rowe.  I work 17 hour days, occasionally with breaks to upload pictures or talk to people who visit–except that is supposedly work.  I clean toilets, drive ATVs to take people to the special photography blinds, expensive, but these are booked far in advance, and nobody ever complains about being cooped up in a 4 x 8 piece of plywood over night with a 4 foot high roof, 4 windows, and a chamber pot, not allowed to leave for any reason until morning pick up.  I’ve brought these folks back to the sanctuary, dirty, sleepy, and happy, with stories of what they have seen.  I’d be jealous, but I have seen most of this, too.  I am happy for them.

Tours run morning and evening, about 25-30 in a blind.  All tours are different, and sometimes a two minute period makes the day, or the week; the video I uploaded was 2 minutes, after about 2 hours of watching a pleasant river.

I meet volunteers from around Nebraska, with a few from neighboring states.  These people teach me common sense, how to work with tools, how to be a better person.  We don’t always agree, but we do whatever we can for each other.  Seldom have I had this experience anywhere else.  Last year, a 75 year-old woman taught me how to back a trailer.  She had been doing it since she was 8.

The cranes?  During the day, I have stopped driving the pick-up with the Buffalo or Hall County license plate, gotten outside, and looked up, sun reflecting off their wings of cranes, soaring at 500, 1000, or 2000 feet.  In late spring, they rise like a giant beehive, waiting to catch the south wind at 1600 meters, spread their wings, and as one volunteer put it, “Godspeed,” as they go to the Canadian Arctic, Alaska, or even Siberia to nest.   I’ve seen them migrate south over the Boundary Waters, and Hilt, California, the most northerly city in the state.

The few weeks a half million spend on the river are beyond compare.  I never tell people what they will see except “Cranes, plural.”  It is not my show, it is the birds’ show.  Almost everybody likes it, a few are changed a bit, and a lucky few, like me, are forever transformed, looking forward to the special time of year when as Paul Johnsgard puts it, the season, the river, and the bird all come into conjunction.

Spring, the Platte, and the Lesser Sandhill Crane.  All are needed.  All are sufficient.

BEING MADE OF STAR STUFF IS SPECIAL: TIME TO ACT LIKE IT

March 5, 2014

13 February 1988, West Anklam Road, Tucson, 6 a.m. I’m standing with an ICU nurse looking at Saturn and Uranus in conjunction, the same longitude in the sky, near the hospital where we worked.  “They’re in Sagittarius,” I pointed to the “handle of the teapot,” noting the bright star Nunki, guide star for the Voyager 2 spacecraft, to pass near Neptune a year later.

“No,” J. replied. “They’re in Capricorn (sic).”

“No, there are the two, and they are in the constellation Sagittarius.”

“But astrologically, they are in Capricorn (sic).” (It’s “Capricornus”)

“Well,” I sighed, “you can say they are in the Big Dipper, if you want.”  This was the last conjunction I would see of the two planets, unless I live to 83.

The Dartmouth Alumni Magazine recently profiled a man, a professional astrologer.  The astrologer  stated  his beliefs; the first thing I do in these “last page” articles is to check the “fine print.”  He left Dartmouth before completing his studies; no reason was given.  That colored my opinion.  Yes, Robert Frost left Dartmouth without finishing, but to paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen in his 1988 debate with Dan Quayle, “You’re no Robert Frost.”

7  December 1972 shot of the Earth.

I’ve posted the above picture before, and it’s worth re-posting.

What month is this?

What constellation is the Sun in?

What are constellations, anyway?

What can you learn from this picture?

Notice Antarctica illuminated by the Sun, so it must be near the Austral summer solstice.    The actual date was 7 December.  The Sun is in the constellation Ophiuchus on this date, meaning that if one could see the Sun from space, where the light isn’t scattered by air molecules, it would appear against the background stars in that constellation, an arbitrary grouping of stars with arbitrary boundaries, not in Scorpius (the proper spelling) or Sagittarius, the astrological constellation for this date.

Notice the white comma, a major anticyclone, or storm, off the southeastern coast of Africa, and the large clusters of thunderstorms in the southern equatorial region of Africa, consistent with migration of the Intertropical Convergence Zone (ITCZ) this time of year.

What predictions did the astrologer make?  In 1986, Bank of America was going to have problems.  He claimed he knew by looking at the rocks in the foundation; I would have looked at the internal books as a better foundation.  He said that the 50th degree of longitude, “that bisects the Persian Gulf,” would become a major factor in the world, and that the 35th parallel through the southern US would become very important.

Wow. The 51st meridian (or 27th parallel, another bisector, which was omitted) bisects the Persian Gulf better than the 50th.  Given the Gulf’s importance (he didn’t mention the Gulf of Oman and Somalian coastal waters), this prediction is not surprising.  All degrees of latitude in the US may be important; he omitted Kirtland and Edwards AFBs, near 35 N., but important Los Angeles is not.  What does “important” mean?  A chemical explosion, a nuclear weapon, or a great discovery?

50 E. longitude.  This might be considered important in the coming years.

50 E. longitude. This might be considered important in the coming years. This goes through oil-rich Baku, near Dagestan, through Iran, the Persian Gulf, the Gulf of Oman,  the Horn of Africa, and Somali waters.

I limit my issues about Astrology to four:  first, my “sign” of Sagittarius is defined by my birthday, not the Sun’s location when I was born. There are fourteen (not 12) constellations through the Sun may “travel.”  While it was in Sagittarius on my birthday 3000 years ago, it is now in Ophiuchus, north of Scorpius (the correct spelling).  I have no classical astrological sign.  Astrologers use celestial longitudes to try to deal with this fact, but they haven’t factored in precession; the Sun passes through 14 constellations during a 26,000 year cycle.  In 1991, $10,000 was offered to anybody’s showing the July 11 eclipse of the Sun against the background stars of then astrological Cancer, not the actual Gemini.  No takers.

Ophiuchus.  Scorpius is in the lower right; the curved red line with 255 on it is the Sun's path, 255 being the number of days after the vernal equinox.

Ophiuchus. Scorpius is in the lower right; the curved red line with 255 on it is the Sun’s path, 255 being the number of days after the vernal equinox.

Second, there is no proof why astrology works.  What happened before 1781, when Uranus was discovered?  How can a planet’s position affect us? It can’t be gravity, because I have more gravitational attraction with my car than I do with Saturn.  Gravitational force decreases with the square of distance.  I would like to know the reason using terms that a layman can understand. I practiced neurology, and it was my job to explain what I knew to people, not hide it to make money.

Third, lines of latitude and longitude are dimensionless, so there must be some “wiggle room,” or error.  How much?  Why?  We are 95% confident global warming is occurring.  If we ran 100 simulations, 95 of them would not contain zero.  Where is astrological uncertainty, required for any prediction?

Just after 3rd contact or totality, Uganda, 3 November 2013. We had to be in a path 18 km wide to view 19 seconds of totality.  This path was known decades in advance, because we understand orbital mechanics.

Just after 3rd contact or totality, Uganda, 3 November 2013. We had to be in a path 18 km wide to view 19 seconds of totality. This path was known decades in advance, because we understand orbital mechanics.

Finally, too many never learn the actual sky, far more beautiful and fascinating.  I can tell time, date, and latitude by looking at the sky, and I can teach it.  Why seasons? The poles point in the same direction as the Earth’s orbits the Sun; sometimes they point towards the Sun (summer, more direct Sun); sometimes they point away (winter, less direct Sun).  I can predict full Moons and eclipses of the Sun and Moon; so can anybody, should they wish to learn.  It is science, not vague words.  Science has allowed me to see 20 central eclipses from all over the world.

Contrast that to my horoscope today, “You may want to let go of plans and let your spontaneous personality take over.”   “May”?  Why?  What is “spontaneous personality”?  All “plans” or some?

I once showed a minister the sky.  I scuffed my feet in the desert that night, explaining where the silicon in the sand came from–a star.  The iron in our blood came from a large star that accumulated iron in its core, which cannot be fused.  The star first implodes, gravity taking over when fusion ceases.  The ensuing explosion, equal to the Sun’s energy output during its whole existence, produces heavier elements.  The gold in a ring came from a star.  The magnesium in the pyrrole ring of chlorophyll came from a star, the carbon, nitrogen and sulfur in our bodies came from a star. The calcium in our skull came from a star.

Now, if the contents of that skull could appreciate this beauty, direct efforts towards improving the world, rather than making a buck through magical thinking, our life would be improved on this once-part-of-a-star world.

THIS JOB MATTERS

March 2, 2014

 In a Starbucks somewhere at Sea-Tac, I’ve seen an older man, around my age, working the counter. I go through Sea-Tac annually, if I am lucky, because I am on my way to Alaska and to the remotest country I know.  When I come out of the Brooks Range, I take the red eye back to Seattle, get 3 hours’ sleep, and head straight for a bagel and coffee, before the next flight south.  I’m getting a bit old for these trips, but there is a lot of country I still want to see.

Noatak River, looking east, some of the most remote country in North America.

Noatak River, looking east, some of the most remote country in North America.

Dall Sheep above the headwaters of the Aichilik River.  This was one of the most beautiful areas to hike that I have ever been.

Dall Sheep above the headwaters of the Aichilik River. This was one of the most beautiful areas to hike that I have ever been.  This is in ANWR: to those who say this is a desolate place, I simply reply: “Hike the 120 miles there I have, and see what you think.”

 

The man works with many younger people.  He could be their grandfather. I know nothing about him: he could be lonely, a millionaire, and wants to be around people. Or he could be lonely, poor, needing every quarter people put in the tip jar.  I put in bills, because the workers divide the tips.  Divisors are fixed, but if the dividend increases, so does the quotient, a dividend in another meaning of the word.

What I do know is the man is dead serious about his job. He takes my order, and I sense I would be doing him a big favor if I were clear what I wanted and paid promptly with little hassle.  He doesn’t say this, of course, but his demeanor is no-nonsense.  He has a job, considered menial by many who walk through Sea-Tac catching a plane, but it is clear that doing the job well matters to him.

When I enter Hirons, a local drug store, I am greeted by a woman who recognizes both me and my wife.  “You back again?” she says, cheerfully.  Hirons is the only drug store I know where I had to ask directions how to find the pharmacy: I once got lost in there, overwhelmed by the inventory.  Just in time inventory doesn’t work in Hirons, and B-school students ought to visit to see how a place ought to run.  You don’t go online, like Amazon, you go there.   You walk in wanting Advil, you come out with it, a pair of lights to make walking at night safer, an Oregon shirt, maybe a mug, a dust pan, and a holder for soap in the shower. That’s how you move inventory, by having it available,  I once asked if they made keys.  That was stupid, but hey, I was new in town.

I called Hirons, because I need to move my Part D drug benefit pharmacy: three guesses what the answer was, the first two not counting.  Stupid call.  Now I can walk over there to buy a lot of other stuff along with the meds I need to pick up. Companies need to value employees who can remember customers.  It has no dollar value, or maybe it does, because people like to be remembered, and they will return.  I will of course use Hirons in the near future, like when I need a Dutch Brothers fix, at the kiosk nearby, at the EMX stop at Walnut.

Yeah, Dutch Brothers, with the red white and blue flags flying.  I don’t know how these places survive.  They do, in all likelihood, because when I arrive, there is music playing I normally wouldn’t listen to but end up liking.  There are two or three college students in there with personalities I wish I had been born with.  They could care less how I look.  They greet me warmly; people like this make me ask how they are, too, which I haven’t done for most of my life.  Not only do I ask them, I get a reply.  I get hot chocolate or coffee, and there are about 10 different kinds of both.  They work quickly and efficiently, their banter is interesting, they stamp my card, which means after 10 trips there, I get a free drink, so I will come again.  Think I tip them well?  Duh.  I go on my way, along the Willamette River, under the tracks, over Knickerbocker Bridge into Alton Baker Park, checking out the birds in the river.  My wife has never seen me so happy.

Autzen Bridge, over the Willamette River.  Hat reads Kobuk Valley, the most remote National Park in North America, and a real gem.

Autzen Bridge, over the Willamette River. Hat reads Kobuk Valley, the most remote National Park in North America, and a real gem.

Foggy night; bought the light at Hirons, behind me to my right.  Think it was $7.95.  They should charge more.

Foggy night; bought the light at Hirons, behind me to my right. Think it was $7.95. They should charge more.

Maybe later, I will go to Evergreen’s, where they serve north and south Indian food.  I usually have a Nikasi Beer with dinner.  Yeah, for a dollar more, I get something brewed in Eugene, and I really like it.  A waitress and the owner herself recognize me, both knowing what I want.  I know the owner’s son’s name, birthday and age.  We were once immediately recognized after an absence of 9 months.  That’s impressive.  Think they get good tips from me?

Everybody knows places like the ones I described.  My late father-in-law went to Asquino’s, an East Providence institution with incredible Italian food.  They knew him, and if he had ever forgotten his wallet, I bet he would have eaten for free.  Asquino’s is no longer there. The world and families change.  These businesses are worth a great deal to customers, worth that doesn’t make the bottom line.  That’s the problem with bottom lines: they measure money, which people must make (teachers can’t eat “satisfaction,” my father, an educator, once said) but not customer satisfaction, ability to recognize repeat customers, and to have things the customer doesn’t realize they want.  I would bet much that “happiness” and “ability to recognize faces” is not on ExxonMobil”s bottom line.  Damage to the environment isn’t, which does have a dollar cost.

No money can buy good service and a pleasant person who remembers me, helping me have a better day.  I saw happier people in Ely, Minnesota, who worked half time, than my former partners, who made a half mil a year.  It was a rough life in Ely, but they were a lot nicer.  The average wage at Costco is double that of Wal-Mart.  The net worth of the CEO of Costco is 10% that of the CEO of Wal-Mart.  Throw in the rest of the Walton Family, and it is 1.3%.  The salary ratio between the worker and the CEO is still too large; when I practiced, the ratio was 1:7; 1:3 when hours worked were factored in.  Call me a socialist, but I lived comfortably.

I hope the man at Sea-Tac works to stay busy, but these days, that’s not likely.  I hope the Eugene places stay in business for a long time, along with Track Town Pizza, which hosts German Stammtisch Tuesday evenings. The whole lot are a 30 minute walk from my house.  I wonder how I got so lucky.  

Salary ratios ought to be on the bottom line; important things that can’t be measured ought to be mentioned, too.  Not everything in life has a dollar value.

Designed in 2003:  Follow your heart; it will lead you home.  Hirons charges more for this.  I really didn't need it.  No, I really did need it, for I have done what it means.

Designed in 2003: Follow your heart; it will lead you home. Hirons charges more for this. I really didn’t need it. No, I really did need it, for I have done what it means.

My footprints in the sand dunes at Kobuk Valley NP. It was one of those things that really is too expensive for the time spent, unless one factors in how much it meant to me, which was priceless.  What a lovely, quiet place.

My footprints in the sand dunes at Kobuk Valley NP. It was one of those things that really is too expensive for the time spent, unless one factors in how much it meant to me, which was priceless. What a lovely, quiet place.

THE DAWN OF MAN

February 28, 2014

I love watching the first 7 minutes of “2001, a Space Odyssey,” especially at 5:27 where the ape-man suddenly has an idea, one of the greatest in history: use of a femur as a weapon. The music with the scene is perfect, capturing the full joy of the meaning.

Let’s fast forward 50,000 years to a new continent and speech:  “You don’t have a hitch.  That attachment is an ornament.  You hook a trailer to that, and your bumper is going to fall off.”  That is how we first heard Ms. D. in action, and U-Haul ought to pay her a lot, for she knows a lot more than how to run a cash register.  The next customer wanted to drop a truck off in the Portland area; after naming about a dozen places and directions to each, this wonderful lady said, “Oh, just call this number when you arrive.  They’ll tell you where to take it.”  She laughed.  We did, too.

When it was our turn, Ms. D. told us, “I once had a guy come in here and order $500 worth of packing supplies.  When we took it out to his vehicle, he was driving a Mini Cooper.  Not just any Mini, the smallest.  What was he thinking?”  She shook her head, and we laughed again.  She didn’t know that her business had solved a problem that had kept my wife awake nights thinking about it.  We were like the ape-man sitting among a pile of bones, trying to find something to eat.

We were moving to a two story house in Eugene, deathly worried what our many cats, all used to one story, would do with the low railing on the second floor well above the ground floor.  Many think cats always land on their feet (they don’t) or can fall from large heights without injury (also not true).  My wife had looked at 176 different cat barriers online.  She was worried. Neither of us dreamed the solution would lie with U-Haul and two chance occurrences.

The first was when I had recently used a U-Haul trailer to bring my clothes from Tucson in two wardrobe containers.  I emptied the containers in the garage and left them there, intact, because I was too lazy to break them down.  Alone, they stood, waiting….The Sun was just peeking over the monolith and the music started.

I looked at a piece of cardboard from another container in my hand.  The ape picked up a femur.  I thought of the 3 x 3 foot gap in the railing, with posts between which a cat could squeeze.  I brought the cardboard in, placed it over the gap, and called downstairs to my wife, asking her what she thought of cardboard blocking part of the gaps.  She liked it.  The ape starting to break the small bones.

Fortunately, my wife, like me, is open to ideas.  She remembered the wardrobe containers in the garage, each 2 feet square on the bottom, and if opened up, stood about 5 feet tall.  Six of these containers, taped together, would offer a barrier, that while not necessarily impregnable to felines (little is), would at least slow down chases through the upstairs ending up in a long free fall on to an unforgiving carpet. The ape starts breaking bigger bones, then, arm high overhead, at the climax of the music, smashes the skull to smithereens.

Our solution wasn’t with companies selling metal or cloth barriers.  It was with U-Haul and Ms. D.  We had a Camry, not a Mini, and our purchase was only $30, not $500.  We had no problem fitting the boxes in the car, took it back to the house, and constructed a barrier.  Our idea wasn’t saving humanity from starvation, but how often have you had an idea just hit you perfectly at the right time?  Look at the expression on the ape-man’s face at 6:28 and 6:45: pure joy at having thought up something innovative. 

We were thrilled.  The solution lay with a company that never once appeared on our radar. They had seen femurs for their whole lives and never thought once about using one as a weapon.  

A half century ago, my father and I were moving a boat hoist into the lake, for the summer.  We pushed and pushed and nothing happened.  Thirty yards away was a woodpile.  I walked over, got six logs, and we put them under the boat hoist.  The first time we pushed, it went twenty feet with minimal effort.  My father laughed.  I was like the ape-man, arms in the air.  I had thought of something my father hadn’t.  

The people whom I respect are those who suggest alternatives, using phrases like “you could consider,” “have you thought about?”  “what if you did this?” “here is another thought”.  All of these open the door to thinking, idea generation, femurs, ending with a good solution.  I never thought I would write about Mrs. D.; I smile thinking about her.

We need a lot more of this at the national level. Maybe we need to think more like ape-men, rather than not thinking at all.  We need to sit in a pile of bones, sit there, think, muse, then play with them and see what happens.  It requires open thinking, willingness to make mistakes, and to look for workable solutions.  The America I grew up in once did that. An ape-man once did that.  U-Haul in Springfield is one of those places.  A Congress full of Mrs. D.s would be a fun place.  Better for the country, too.  

We all sit in a pile of bones sometimes.  Maybe we should quit complaining about the lack of meat and see what good might be right in front us.

5% of the cost. Twice as effective.

5% of the cost. Twice as effective.

View from below: the gaps were the original area covered. the initial breaking of the small bones.

View from below: the gaps were the original area covered. the initial breaking of the small bones.