Boreal B[l]og

“Because no little girl who gets groped on a bus or in a grocery store or on a subway or in a classroom should ever have to wonder if she did something wrong.”  Columnist Dan Savage, explaining “The Trump Talk,” the term coined by a woman who wrote in, defining the depressing conversation that every parent needs to give their daughters about predatory, entitled men.

Two years ago, I joined a half million people (then) who liked My Stealthy Freedom, a Facebook page that showed Iranian women taking off the scarf in public, as many of them called the mandatory head cover, an offense often leading to arrest.  As I saw more pictures of these women, heard stories of their abuse by husbands, brothers, fathers, and strangers, including acid thrown into their face, I also read support from husbands, brothers, fathers, and strangers.  It took me far longer than it should have to realize that not only were Iranian women being abused, so were Iranian men.  The page now has more than a million members.

The excuse given for covering women’s hair was that it excited men, who could not control themselves around women.  Yep, and that I guess was the reason that 7 year-olds are covered in school.  If a man can be excited by a 7 year-old girl, he’s a pedophile, a predator. The woman writing into Dan Savage had her 9 year-old daughter inappropriately touched by a man while in a grocery checkout line.

The vast majority of Iranian men are not pedophiles, I posted.  Publicly walking without a scarf in an 87 second video did not destroy the country, I wrote.  A few trolls tried to bait me with problems in the US, but I stayed quiet and let my fellow commenters handle them.  So long as women were being required to cover themselves, I realized men were insulted, too.  If the men didn’t see that, it was time they did, I wrote.  Real men control their “urges,” don’t assault women, resist as much as they dare the laws that require women to be covered, and treat their wives as equal partners.  There were many posts of Iranian men who did resist. Some even wore the scarf themselves.  There are many brave, smart and creative men and women in the country.  I’ve helped correct the English in several M.S. and  Ph.D. theses; I was even last author in a meteorological article about Tabriz.

I didn’t realize that my words about insulting men would come back during this presidential campaign, where I have been quiet, only writing about boorishness. Because I’m an old white guy, FB once targeted me with Republican ads.  I put a quick stop to that nonsense.

When Mr. Trump was caught on tape with his vulgarities, where the verb “to grope” was probably learned by many children for the first time, I was disgusted.  But frankly, I thought it would blow over, like every other epithet, crude remark, lie, and insult he has used during his campaign.  If he could get away with insulting John McCain, six bankruptcies, writing off a $900 million loss in one year, saying Muslims shouldn’t be allowed into the country, a Mexican-American judge born in the country was biased, what could he possibly do worse?  Mr. Trump was given a free pass on women.  He was allowed to call them ugly, “how would you like to wake up next to that?” and insulted Ted Cruz’s wife, a professional in her own right, not that it matters. Even using the toilet and menstruation were not off limits to Mr. Trump; no outrageous comment stuck.

So, I could have been forgiven for thinking that “grope” and “pussy” would last a day or two and then disappear.  I mean, I had seen Mr. Trump getting softball coverage as a celebrity and not as a presidential candidate.  I had wondered when the media was going to be as hard on him as on Secretary Clinton.  When the shoe dropped, the final straw in the haybarn of insults turned out to be the verb and the noun alluded to above. I didn’t think what he said was much worse than what he had already said, but as a man, I missed something that women don’t miss.  It’s one thing to leer, to rate women on a 1 to 10 scale, to make fun of their bodies, even if the insulter is overweight, has dyed hair, and constantly glowers.  No, what really changed this campaign was the action, the groping, sexual assault.  That’s courage, by the way, to come forth as a woman who was sexually assaulted, and after which likely initially blamed herself for what she wore, said, or did.

And knew that probably 40% of the men in this country think today she was still in some way to blame.

The “locker room banter” comment significance was missed by me, too, mostly because I haven’t been in a locker room for years.  Athletes came forth en masse, insulted that Mr.Trump would suggest that every man in a locker room would say these things.

And so finally, it came full circle.  Whether it be in the United States or Iran, when women are insulted or physically violated, because a man thinks he can do that, he insults all men who don’t think this way.  When one says it is locker room banter, he insults the men who don’t partake in such banter, who, when given every chance to talk about a woman’s looks, body, whatever, DON’T.

So, I am angry.  I don’t talk to my male friends about women’s looks, bodies, whatever.  That doesn’t mean I give a free pass to all women, because they are women.  I quietly refused a request on a long car trip home last summer to give a ride to a woman who made me feel very uncomfortable. I won’t hike with another for the same reason.  That isn’t sexist.  I’m making a rational decision  based upon actions.

But, I’m with…..Michelle Obama.  She is a national treasure.  Her twenty minute speech, which will be known as the “Enough is Enough” speech, reminded me that attacks on women are attacks on men.  That belittling women belittles men.  That treating women as sex objects is saying that men can’t control their sex drive.  That allowing firearms in the hands of angry men in bad relationships is the major cause of the 3 women a day here who are killed by a man with whom they have or had a relationship.

I’m with Michelle Obama when she says, so truthfully, that we can’t deal with the plight of women in this world if we belittle them here in America.  Our women aren’t forced to wear the scarf, but they are too often treated as sex objects, take less money for equal work, are graded like beef or homework, kowtow to lecherous bosses, and have their looks matter more than their brain.

When Mr. Trump talks about groping, “getting away with anything,” “and finally, “in ten years I’ll be dating you,” to a ten year-old, when he was then 46, he was inculcating dating and pleasing a man as her worth.  By lowering the bar to 10, he is not far away from the Prophet, who in his fifties married young Aisha, consummating it when she reached puberty.  It is ironic that Mr. Trump, who proposed that Muslims not be allowed into this country, was once picking out 10 year-olds for his future.  He was damned close to mimicking The Prophet.

The only suggestion I would make to Dan Savage is that “The Trump Talk” be given to all children, not just girls.

I got an email from a former colleague, a physician trained in geriactics who once practiced in the office next door to mine.  We were good friends, and I often went to his office for a few minutes each day in order to pet his Portuguese Water Dogs, which he often brought to work.  It was a good way to relax.  If he sent me a patient, I would talk to him person to person about what I found.  But this was a quarter century ago.

He is older than I and retired, not long after I went into administration, and took up farming in another state, where he was successful.  We were part of his Christmas card list and heard each year about the family and the dogs.  He had several health issues, but he was tough and got through each one.

About a decade ago, although I can’t be sure these days, because the years go by so fast, his Christmas cards developed a significant religious tone and he mentioned his involvement with several well known evangelists.  I just wished him well, although the change didn’t resonate with me.

Then, about five years ago, not at Christmas, he sent out a e-mail to his address book complaining about the New World Order, how the UN would be stationing troops here, guns would be confiscated, and we would lose our freedoms.  I don’t know much about this stuff, but to be honest, I thought it might be better than the Project for the New American Century, which did exist and was behind the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.  I wondered if my friend, or really ex-friend now, might be becoming demented.  That’s tough to diagnose, so I said nothing and heard nothing more.  I now wish most people well, even my so-called detractors, so long as they don’t interfere with my attempts to quietly lead my life. I must be mellowing.

Today, out of the blue, after at least a 3 year hiatus, I heard from him.

He isn’t demented, which was the good news.  The first “How are you?” was, unfortunately, followed by a video clip of Hillary Clinton’s supposed Parkinsonian symptoms that he wanted me to view, along with several other attachments, all on YouTube.

I’ve heard these allegations before.  I didn’t notice anything obvious about her at the Convention, but I didn’t look carefully.  Bill looked like he lost a lot of weight, maybe too much.  I do know Mr. Trump is 70 and has been overweight for years.  That is a significant concern to me.  My board certification is from the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, so I can say with some confidence Mr. Trump meets the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, and the press has often given him a free pass on that and virtually everything he has said, the free advertising likely to elect him president, in what is becoming the highest stakes reality TV ever, given the country’s infatuation with media celebrities.  Ms. Clinton has been a public servant for 35 years, long enough to make mistakes, long before the millenials, who are “cool to her,” were born.  Trump’s failed business ventures, failure to release his tax returns, his boorishness, racism, xenophobia, bullying, and litigation don’t appear to bother much of the electorate, including his ridiculing those with disabilities (a reporter), injuries (Harry Reid), nervousness (the woman in Flint), or his suggesting violence (that the Secret Service not guard Ms. Clinton).

I do not like it when my detractors want me to read a series of articles or look at videos with the idea that I must be changed to their way of thinking, because for years, I read their articles, the ad hominem attacks, the statistics that were clearly in error, the bias, the grammatical mistakes, the inflammatory language, and I was not convinced.

I will not reply. Silence is best.  He will not know whether I received it or what I think. I will not look at the video.  I have no way of knowing how it was edited, whether the purported “freezing” is like “Hitler’s jig” when France fell.  I have no way of knowing if her silent speech was in a focus group and dubbed in to another speech.  And if I say she doesn’t have clinical Parkinson’s, a view which her facial expression on a post today would support, somebody will come back and say I haven’t practiced in years, which is true.  Anything short of agreeing with him will likely lead to an argument I want no part of.

I’ve seen thousands with Parkinson’s, was involved in a clinical trial of bromocriptine; many patients functioned well mentally and physically.  One can outwork me at Rowe Sanctuary in Nebraska every spring and at age 70 taught me the definition of an acre (it’s 10 chains squared, and a chain is 22 yards.)

Bet Mr. Trump doesn’t know that.  Mr. Cruz said we had billions and billions and billions of acres owned by the federal government.  The country outside of Alaska has 1.9 billion acres total, and non-public land in Texas alone has about 161 million of it. A great majority of the land east of the Mississippi is not public.  Candidates for public office ought to be required to say what a billion or a trillion is operationally, before they can run for office. I bet many wouldn’t be able.

As for presidents with disabilities, FDR ran the country for 12 years, during the Depression and  WWII, in a wheelchair. John Kennedy had Addison’s Disease. Johnson had severe enough heart disease to require a defibrillator nearby.  Carter almost collapsed on a run in Catoctin.  Ford tripped coming down Air Force One and became the butt of many jokes. Reagan was shot and had Alzheimer’s for a significant part of his last term.  The first Bush vomited on the Japanese prime minister and fainted at a state function. His son was an alcoholic.

The sudden claim of Parkinson’s for Hillary Clinton is odd, since the supposed symptoms quoted are usually seen late, and she has been in the public eye for years.

I was disappointed, but not surprised, when after a venous thrombosis in her skull four years ago gave her diplopia (double vision), it was treated by the Congressional Republicans as a minor headache, a skimpy excuse keeping her from testifying before Congress on one of their many Benghazi investigations.  She is subject to a double standard.  When Ms. Clinton had a rather common illness—I’ve had pneumonia and hallucinated, but I returned to practice medicine three days later—it was blown out of proportion. When it comes to Parkinson’s, I’m sure there are some neurologists who without an exam, but with bias, repetition, and intimidation, will claim that she does. And so what? Parkinson’s has treatments.  Narcissism?

Both presidential candidates are at an age where bad things happen to people.  I am at that age, too. Being old means that the vice presidential choice matters.  One thing scares me more than Mr. Trump, and that is having him incapacitated.  Trump at least isn’t a social conservative. Governor Pence would send us back to the 19th century in our treatment of women.

I don’t need “re-education.”  I can teach math, statistics, neuroanatomy, guide people on hikes, show them the night sky, and teach them what happened when the most civilized society in the world became fascist.

A recent Pew survey concluded that whites were much less likely to post and see comments about race on Facebook than blacks.  The implication was that I, white, am doing something wrong and am likely racist, no matter what I think.  There was a reference to an article about 5 take-aways on race; whites and blacks have differences in percentages, my responses agreed with the majority of blacks, going strongly against my skin color when it the question had to do with fairness in the workplace and skin color.  But I’m retired and not in the workplace much these days.

I’m one of those elderly white men that gets ads on FB for Republican candidates, because I’m white, male, well-off and old.  I’m supposed to vote Republican and support Trump. Well, I am far to the left of Mr. Obama and Mrs. Clinton.  They aren’t even close to being liberal.  You want a liberal’s viewpoint, talk to me.  I am liberal even in Eugene, which is quite a statement.  I blasted the ad I got for the Republican candidate for Congress here, telling FB I never wanted to see that again. I didn’t.

But no, I am not going to have a conversation on race.  Not at all, and not only because such a concept bombed at Starbucks a while back.

I am not on FB to discuss race, and most of the time I don’t discuss politics, either. I sometimes lose my cool when one who believes manmade climate change does not exist starts posting, but I have four rules I follow before getting involved: no personal attacks, statistics with a confidence interval, p-value, and margin of error, verifiable local, national and global predictions (I won’t see a cooler than normal year for the rest of my life.  That’s verifiable), and consequences should one be wrong.  I have never had anybody get past the first, so I don’t argue. I’ve don’t discuss overpopulation. Nothing has changed.  Instead, I post pictures of places I’ve been, because I can control what and where I go, and I’ve been fortunate enough to have seen many beautiful places.

Specifically, I’d rather discuss things with people whom I can see and hear, because tone of voice and body language are important cues, and they usually aren’t present on social media.  I don’t like having someone a third my age using my first name without my permission.  First name basis has the sense of equality, and I am not equal to them in age, experience or education.  I don’t care if the young are on a first name basis with everybody.  I’m not. I wouldn’t have dreamed of calling the elders in my world by their first names. Age doesn’t per force make me wiser, but I have used my years to learn a great deal about the world.  I’ve published in 9 different fields, I have traveled all over the world, and I have a doctorate in medicine and a Master’s in statistics.

No, I don’t know what it is like being black, pregnant, a woman, have cancer or be a refugee. I do know what it is like to be seriously injured and to have lone atrial fibrillation, which is a stroke time bomb.  I respect the views of those who have experienced things I have not.  But I become annoyed when people who haven’t lived my life act as if they know how I should feel.  I’ve been around the Sun nearly 70 times; I don’t want a twenty something trying to tell me what I should think.  Hint: use “might,” not “should.”  It’s softer.

I don’t know the amount of emotion that written words contain, but if the grammar and spelling are bad, it not only bothers me; it colors my opinion of the point the individual is trying to make.  If one can’t be bothered with where to put an apostrophe, if one makes spelling errors, including my first name, it tells me there is a certain sloppiness in communicating that may spill over into their arguments.  People judge me by how I look. I do the same, and I judge people’s arguments by their language, spelling, and grammar.

Still, I am far more likely than most to change my mind in the face of compelling evidence.  I listen, I learn, and I change.  I will not, however, have a conversation with one who isn’t likely to listen, learn or change, no matter what I say.

Over time, I have argued less on social media.  I try to think very carefully before writing inflammatory statements, often deleting them. I’m not likely to change someone’s thoughts with my words.  I was a firebrand a decade ago; I am almost apolitical this election cycle.  I’m sure not about to get involved in race.  Heck, I have enough trouble meeting and talking to white people.

I try not to take the wrong turn at Jerk Junction. I try to do unto others.  I try to seek first to understand, but then I want to be understood, not blown off.  In short, I’m not the enemy.  Really.  But I don’t wish to have a discussion about race and how I don’t get it in social media.  I’ll read what I think I should, I’ll process it slowly, as I always do, and I will hopefully change what I think I should.  I may comment, but there’s a good chance I’ll delete it.

That’s good advice, really.  Get it off your chest, but then delete it and move on away from Jerk Junction to Suck it Up Road.  That’s my advice for people of all colors.