The scan didn’t come through well, so here it is the old way (goes with the old guy).
29 December 2009
On another such marriage–a.k.a. ” a couple of thoughts from an old guy.”
Here are a few rules I try to live by, and believe me, I’m no husband of the year.
1. In relationships, the little things are the big things. I say please and thank you a lot to my wife when she does the dishes I usually do or takes care of an errand I usually do. If I clean the litter boxes (which she usually does), she thanks me. It shows respect and appreciation, which are essential for a marriage to last. I don’t say “I love you,” a lot; neither of us does. But we do thank each other often and “please” is part of our house vocabulary.
2. Take 100% percent responsibility for your part in any conversation. That means instead of, “I didn’t say that,” you acknowledge that you did say that (maybe you really did–we all misspeak), not in a passive-aggressive manner, but that you truly believe that you did. Then you can add, “What I should have said was….” I’ve learned this defuses a lot of hot issues.
3. I’m a “have to fix it” guy when my wife has a problem. One day, long ago, I had no fix, so I sat there and listened. Afterward, my wife thanked me profusely for just listening. I didn’t think I did anything. But I did a lot by keeping my mouth closed and my ears open. Such a concept!
4. When I mentioned that I was going to write you, my wife commented that when she came in at the end of the day, I got up from the couch and kissed her. Just that. I never really thought it was a big deal, but to her it really is.
I wish I had known all this stuff 38 years ago when we got married. Then again, I did learn it and, obviously, I’m still learning. Makes me wonder what else I’m missing! But at least I try.
I tell teenage guys to marry women smarter than they are; fortunately for them, that won’t be difficult.
Tucson
Boreal B[l]og 